Goodbye Dad

11 Jan

I can hardly believe Iam saying this, buy my dad passed away early this morning.  This whole expereience has been without question the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my entire life.  Watching my dad go from a healthy man one month ago, to lying in a bed unable to communicate has been so hard.  He was diagnosed with cancer last Wednesday, and today he is gone.  The doctors still don’t even know where the cancer originated, they just know that it was incredibly aggressive and spread like wildfire through his body.

Dustin and I got here on Friday, and I’m so glad we did.  While he wasn’t able to talk, or really open his eyes much, he could still hear.  I sat with him for a long time, holding his hand.  I really couldn’t bring myslef to say much.  I mostly just prayed.  That night before I went to bed I squeezed his hand and said, “Its Anna, I’m going to bed now dad, I’ll see you in the morning.  I love you dad.”  My dad opened his eyes, looked at me and mouthed the words “I love you” back to me.  Although I have never questioned his love for me, I don’t think I remember him ever really saying it to me before.  That was the last time I saw him open his eyes and the last workds he spoke to me.  Saturday and Sunday he got progressively worse.  While he seemed to look at peace, it was so hard to see him just lying there and know that his end was near.  He has always been such an active and busy man.

Going to bed last night we all had a feeling he wouldn’t make it through.  This morning I woke up shortly after 4:00 and couldn’t hear him downstairs anymore.  Shortly after that I heard my mom turn off the oxygen machines, and I knew. 

This whole thing has been so hard for me and my family.  How can a disease take someone so quickly?  I used to think of cancer as being a longer battle than a month.  My dad had so much more life in him.  I know God is in control and has a reason for everything that he does and for the way he does it, but that does not make this any less painful.  My emotions are on a constant roller coaster.  One minute I’m fine, and the next I’m sobbing uncontrolably.  Life will never be the same without him. 

I will miss my dad so much.  He was such a wonderful man who loved his family so much.  One of the things I’m most sad about is that my children won’t know him.  I loved him so much.

Here is a link to his obituary if you’re interested in reading it.

http://www.butzinmarchant.com/butzinmarchant/page.asp?p=obitviewdetail&obiid=2027

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4 Responses to “Goodbye Dad”

  1. Andrea January 11, 2010 at 8:36 pm #

    Jesse and I are thinking of you and praying for you. Let us know how we can help you in the coming weeks!

  2. Jamie White January 13, 2010 at 2:33 pm #

    I’m so sorry Anna! You and your family will be in our prayers!

  3. chrissy January 13, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    Oh Anna, we will be praying for you guys. We’re so sorry….

  4. Lisa January 13, 2010 at 9:59 pm #

    Anna, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing so we can pray with you.

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